Breath of Redemption
by Kara B
Summary: Can differences be reconciled? Please Read and Review


Breath of Redemption

Author: Kara B. (with Rilei Sarah - she wrote the part that got me started)

Disclaimer: EFC belongs to Tribune, everything else to who ever owns it.

Rilei's Notes: Here's a fanfic I began working on quite awhile back that was going to be a complete background story for Jonathan and Joshua Doors.

Kara's notes: You guys know me - No Joshua story can be left unfinished! Hee Hee. Anyway, this takes place before One Taelon Avenue, and before Joshua got brainwashed by all that technology. And while I have used a few small individual elements from the book "The Arrival", I'm ignoring that.

song lyrics removed per new policy

The winter seemed bleak, but especially in the quietness of the cemetery. All around himself Joshua saw the signs that life had long ago died as his mother had. He stopped as he neared her grave. Joshua missed her so much. Every year, on this day he visited her grave. He had often wished that his father would come too, but as far as Joshua knew, Jonathan had never visited the grave.

Joshua sighed. Now all hope of resolving their problems had vanished. His father was forced to remain in hiding from the Companions because of his little resistance movement and his own life had become a very public one because of both his own and his father's actions. He always felt as if someone were watching him. And truth be told, Sandoval probably had people watching him all the time. And it wasn't lost on him that Zo'or wouldn't be too upset if something were to happen to Joshua. Joshua resented his father for that, and for leaving him alone and leaving too many questions unanswered.

"Don't move." a voice interrupted his thoughts. "Turn around slowly."

Joshua did and came face to face with the business end of a gun. He didn't recognize the man holding it, but that didn't really mean a whole lot. The man's face betrayed little emotion, only a sense of duty. "What do you want?"

"Just for you to come with me quietly and not make a big scene." the man said calmly.

"Okay." Joshua said, and with a glance at his mother's grave, began walking in the direction the man had indicated. Almost immediately, Joshua turned and lunged, knocking the gun from the man's hand. They wrestled for a minute, swapping a few punches and Joshua managed to grab the fallen gun. He held it on the man, backing away slowly. Unfortunately, the man had not been alone. The second Joshua picked up the gun, at least a dozen other people showed up, guns trained on Joshua.

"Don't be stupid."

Joshua shrugged and slowly threw the gun on the ground toward the man. The man glared at him, as the other people moved, blindfolding Joshua and tying his hands behind his back.

Someone spoke, Joshua wasn't sure which of them it was, "Don't make a sound, unless you want to be gagged too."

"Who do you work for? Where are we going?"

"Someplace safe." the same voice answered, ignoring the first question.

"That clarifies things." Joshua said sarcastically.

"We'd rather not have to use any more force than necessary, Mr. Doors."

"Gee, thanks, I can tell how considerate you are." Joshua added, ignoring the warning. After that comment a cloth slipped over his mouth . . . and he felt himself begin to get very sleepy . . .

When Joshua woke, he was in a plain room, nothing distinguishing about it, laying in a small bed. His hands had been untied and the blindfold removed. The only thing that lingered was a headache from whatever they had used to drug him. Who in the world were these people? If the Taelons were behind this then he'd be on the mothership, not in some room somewhere. Unless this were one of Sandoval's little personal projects. Or worse, maybe he'd fallen into a group of pro-Taelon fanatics who disliked his prosecution of Ro'ha . . .

Forcing the pain of the headache from his mind, Joshua stood and walked over to the single door in the room, pulling, pushing and hitting it. It didn't budge. i Life couldn't be that easy /i he thought wryly. He surveyed the rest of the small room - not that there was much to survey.

He sat back down. There was nothing he could do but wait . . . for whatever was to come.

About an hour later, the door creaked open, causing Joshua to jump, as a figure stepped through.

"Dad?" Joshua asked in a surprised voice, then his voice turned accusatory, "You're behind this? Why did you bring me here? I can't believe this! You had me, your own son, kidnapped?"

"Joshua . . ." Jonathan trailed off. "I'm just trying to protect you. We got wind of a new plan of Zo'or's . . ."

"Protect me! Who are you to come to me and act like a father? I can take care of myself!"

"We caught you. How hard do you think it would be for Sandoval and a few dozen Volunteers?" Jonathan paused, "You don't understand, son."

"You're right," Joshua said, "I don't understand why you'd kidnap me. You weren't there for me before. Why would you want to protect me now? Oh, and was this black eye part of your plan?"

Jonathan gave a heavy sigh, obviously not sure how to respond.

"How long are you going to keep me here?" Joshua asked.

"As long as necessary," Jonathan said curtly. "I'll be back by later if you feel more like talking then." With that, Jonathan left, leaving Joshua alone . . . again.

Later in the Resistance HQ

"How did you expect him to respond, Jonathan?" asked William Boone. "I mean, you're the father he hasn't seen or spoken to in three years and you have him kidnapped. He gets a black eye during that and he's supposed to believe that you kidnapped him to protect him, when you haven't been there for most of his life?"

"Our relationship wasn't always like this."

"Jonathan, how long are you going to keep him here? It's dangerous - for everyone, him included." Lili said. "And how can you honestly expect him to listen? And how can he trust you?" Lili glanced at her watch and groaned, "I have to go. Sandoval has me assigned to teach a new shuttle pilot." She pulled on her jacket and hurried out, "I should be back in a couple of hours, unless this guy is like the last one - a total idiot."

Boone nodded and then turned his attention back to Jonathan, "What happened between you and Joshua? You said your relationship wasn't always like this. What happened?"

Jonathan glanced up and met Boone's eyes, "What happened is that twenty-two years ago today, my wife died.

u Twenty-two years before /u 

Amanda Doors opened her eyes. She had been asleep for hours that night .

Jonathan had awakened her earlier very briefly to say goodnight to Joshua. After that she was quickly asleep again. She was losing strength. As her eyes adjusted to the darkened room, she looked for Jonathan and saw him asleep in a nearby chair, covered with a small throw. "Jonathan. . . ." she said weakly.

Jonathan's eyes opened.

"Jonathan." she whispered again.

Jonathan was seated on the bed beside her in an instant. She reached out for his hand. Jonathan took it, kissing her hand tenderly.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"It's almost 11:20 I think. Are you thirsty?" he asked. He was nervous, Amanda could tell. He sensed that her death was near as well.

Amanda shook her head no. "I'm fine."

"Do you need anything. . . ."

He was avoiding this. It was hurting him, she could tell. "Jonathan, listen to me." she said and he stopped. He stared into her eyes. "I'm dying and there's no getting past that. Please accept it. . . ." she said weakly. Tears were in the blue eyes she had fallen in love with as Jonathan nodded. "Is Joshua asleep?" she asked.

"He's been in bed for hours."

"We said good night for the last time tonight. I want to be with you now. Hold me, Jonathan." she said quietly. Jonathan carefully took the cancer ravaged form of his wife and just held her. Amanda laid her head on his shoulder and just closed her eyes, sighing so contentedly as he held her close to him. . . .

Willie Collier awakened a little after 1 AM to the sound of muffled weeping. Having sensed that Amanda's death was near, he had remained, having no intention of leaving Jonathan alone tonight.

Amanda had died. . . .

For awhile Willie just sat there not wanting to move for fear it would intrude on his friend. He would let Jonathan know he was there but first he'd allow Jonathan time to cry and say goodbye to his wife in private. . . .

After 25 to 30 minutes he finally heard movement from the bedroom and he knew that Jonathan had finally stirred.  
He looked to the doorway. . . .

"Willie, I thought you went home hours ago." Jonathan said in a voice that startled Willie.

"I couldn't leave you, not with Amanda so. . . Jonathan, she's gone, isn't she? Willie asked already knowing the answer to the question.

Jonathan nodded.

"She died a few moments ago as I held her. She'd had fallen asleep and I just held her. . . ." Jonathan was this point numb by the grief. He felt nothing and yet he felt too much at Amanda's passage.

"Daddy!" Joshua's voice called out from his bedroom.

Willie looked at his friend.

Jonathan's eyes pleaded with Willie, "How can I tell him?"

"He needs you, Jonathan. I know you're grieving, but he needs you." Willie said.

"Willie, please . . . I need to . . ." Jonathan trailed off. How could he tell his son that his mother was gone?

Finally and against his better judgement, Willie relented, "I'll talk to him now Jonathan, but promise me, that you'll talk to him later. Neither of you needs to go through this alone."

Jonathan nodded numbly.

"You never talked to him?" Boone guessed.

Jonathan shook his head, "I avoided the topic. I kept busy and let Willie explain everything. And because they got along so well, Willie became Joshua's bodyguard soon after. There were several times that Willie practically begged me to talk with my son, but I never could. And so, instead of helping my son, I just drove him away. And I think he always blamed me for her death."

Joshua lay back on the bed . . . thinking. Why did he hate his father so much? His thoughts eventually drifted away from this current situation and back twenty-two years, when he was only ten years old.

Joshua remembered how sick his mother had been. The cancer had been a fast-acting and virtually untreatable form. But he remembered how strong his mother had seemed. He had never considered that she might not recover from it. It had never been any kind of passing thought in his mind. It was unthinkable.

That night, he remembered his father had brought him into the room where his mother was fast asleep. She had been sleeping a lot the last few days. His father had woken her and they had said goodnight and kissed. Then Jonathan had tucked him into the bed.

He had fallen asleep and the next thing he remembered was waking up sometime later, terrified that something had happened. He had yelled for his father, but only Willie came

i Willie entered Joshua's room, to find him sitting up in bed, looking terrified. "Where's Dad? What's wrong? Is Mom okay?"

Joshua could tell from the look on Willie's face that something had happened, "Where are Mommy and Daddy?"

Willie's face had softened, tears in his eyes, "Your dad is okay, Joshua."

"Where's mommy?" his voice had been small.

Willie sighed, "Did your mom tell you about Heaven?"

"Is that where she is?" Joshua asked.

Willie nodded, his eyes wet. "She had to go away, but she can't come back. But she'll be watching over you from heaven. And she loves you very much." He could see the tears in Joshua's eyes and Joshua averted his gaze. "It's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel sad and angry. Your father feels the same things that you do." Willie wished that he had not agreed to do this for Jonathan. It would have been better for both him and Joshua to grieve together.

Joshua buried his head in Willie's chest and began to sob. Willie just held him. /i

Moments later, Joshua's thoughts were interrupted by the door opening once again. Joshua strained his eyes to see into the other room, but couldn't.

"I'll let you go tomorrow." Jonathan said, appearing at the door, then moving to close it again.

"Dad, wait." Joshua called, "Please."

Jonathan said, "I should go." but stopped.

"With things the way they are, there's a chance that neither one of us will see the other one alive again. . . .I want to have a chance to talk to you." Joshua said.

"About what?" Jonathan asked, a bit confused.

"About things that have gone unsaid between us. About Mom. This maybe the only chance we get." Joshua said, his eyes pleading with Jonathan. "Talk to me for once!"

Finally after what seemed an eternity, Jonathan's eyes softened just a fraction and he nodded to Joshua. "Okay." he said softly.

The next day, when Joshua returned to his house, he felt an odd sense of loss. He would keep his father's secret but he longed to spend more time with him. Somehow, Joshua knew that this day would be the last time they talked like that and spent that much time together. Part of him wanted to cry, another part wanted to join his father's movement but he knew that couldn't happen. First, his father would refuse to even consider it - as it would be extremely dangerous. Second, Joshua didn't want to give up his own career right now.

A few minutes later Wyatt entered the room, frowning disapprovingly, "You should have let me know where you were. And you certainly just wander off by yourself. How am I supposed to protect you when you constantly pull stunts like that?"

"And how am I supposed to have a life when you're constantly hovering around me, Wyatt?"

"People who have bodyguards don't have a life, Joshua, at least not in the normal sense. You have a responsibility to people to keep doing your job and that means you can't just do anything you want."

"Spare me the lecture." Joshua said, "I will not let you or anyone else dictate how my life has to be. If someone wants to kill me badly enough - they can. No form of protection is one hundred percent, especially when people are willing to die for their cause."

"But having no protection is like hanging a sign asking for someone to shoot you." Wyatt responded. "Aside from the public career you chose, your father is a fanatic who lots of people would love to see hurt - through you if necessary."

"I'm telling you . . . lay off Wyatt." Joshua said. "I'm fine - no one died, no one got hurt."

"This time." finished Wyatt as he turned to leave.

Joshua merely glared at him.

Wyatt stopped, "At least warn me the next time you do something stupid." A pause, "You met with your father didn't you?"

Joshua did his best to hide his surprise, but he knew he wasn't totally successful, "Why would I have seen my father?"

"The reason I'm so overprotective is because I'm not just here to protect you. I'm here to protect your father too. He is scared to death that something might happen to you."

"I don't understand." Joshua said.

Wyatt pulled the door shut, "I work with the Resistance. Your father called me while you were gone. Told me enough to know you were safe."

"So you spy on me for my father?" Joshua asked accusingly.

"No." Wyatt shook his head, "I'm not here to play messenger. I won't let either of you put me in the middle. I haven't given him anything that you've told me. Nor will it go the other way now that you know. I sympathize with the resistance and I protect you. But, to me, your safety comes first." Wyatt grinned and added jokingly, "'Sides, I'm paid to think that."


End file.
